How To Rank #1 On Search Engines Using
The Awesome Power Of Ritual Sacrifice!

Worship your way to search engine success with


Baron Samedi From the crypt of Baron Samedi
Friday 13th, 2003


Baron Samedi here with GREAT NEWS for all you internet marketers who are dying to make a killing on the Internet! Are you frustrated with SEO? Does this describe you?

  • Sick of the struggle to get SearchEngine ranking?
  • Tired of the mumbo-jumbo of Search Engine Optimization?
  • Wouldn't know PageRank if it bit you on the leg?
  • Ready to sell your soul do anything for a good ranking?
If this describes you then you need my amazing new marketing tool -

SearchEngineVoodoo™ Instant Rankings Ritual Sacrifice Kit

Using the latest digital technology coupled with traditional beliefs and practices, amazing new SearchEngineVoodoo™ is revolutionizing internet marketing from the inside out!

Supernatural selling - it's so good it's SPOOKY!

In our rush to adopt the latest technology we have turned our backs on those traditional forces that still rule our lives - ancient powers that affect every aspect of our daily lives! Subtle influences that can bring good fortune - or take it away!

Yes, the Search Engine Gods - powerful, inscrutable, merciless, omnipotent - rule our lives and hold our hopes, our futures and our search engine rankings in their mighty hands!

Now, with the help of SearchEngineVoodoo™, the Gods of Search Engine Optimization will become your willing allies in your quest for rankings - if you know the key.

Harness the awesome power of ritual sacrifice!

Yes, the key to search engine success is sacrifice! Rituals of sacrifice and propitiation have formed a part of religion in all parts of the world, from the earliest days - witness the human sacrifices of the Druids and the Incas. But you need do nothing so extreme!

A simple SearchEngineVoodoo™ ritual sacrifice with appropriate incantation is all you need to get your message through to the digital deities and make your rankings soar to the heavens! SearchEngineVoodoo™ supplies you with everything you need for search engine mastery in one easy-to-use, hygienic package! All you need do is wait for the next full moon!

Metaphysical marketing - it's out of this world!

Traditionally, sacrifice is performed using a live chicken but we don't advocate breaking the law, upsetting animal rights activists or getting your shoes all bloody.

Intensive research in our laboratories has demonstrated that ritual sacrifices performed with pre-deceased poultry are almost (87.7%) as effective as those performed with live ones.

Simple techniques for supernatural success!

This break-through in modern ritual sacrifice technology means that all you need for search engine success is our kit and a quick trip to your local supermarket or deli. No more elaborate preparations, no more fasting and meditation. (Self-flagellation is optional).

If the Sacrificial Object is frozen, thaw it out. If it's roasted, take it out of the foil bag. If it's in a Family Size tub just take off the lid - and you're ready for the Ritual.

Sample SearchEngineVoodoo™ Ritual.

  • When the moon is at its fullest, place the offering in front of your computer screen.
  • Log on to www.*******.com and type '***** ** ****' into the search box
  • Do not click the button yet!.
  • Bow to the ******* logo then dance three times around your computer in a clockwise direction,
  • Dance three times around your computer in an anti-clockwise direction.
  • Facing the screen again, intone the Incantation (see below):
  • Click the Search button.
  • When you see "**** ******* **** ****" this signifies that the Gods acknowledge and accept your offering.
  • The Ritual is over.
  • Rest for a while then check your rankings.
( * actual wording supplied with product purchase)

Sample SearchEngineVoodoo™ Incantation:

"Oh Wise Ones, Oh Gods of the Search Engines, I salute you and bring you ***** ******. Please accept my humble gifts.
I summon thee, Lyc*s, the All-Powerful,
I summon thee, *nkt*mi, the All-knowing,
I summon thee, Alt*Vist*, the All-Seeing,
I summon thee, DM*Z the Wise,
I summon thee, Y*h** the *nscrutable,
I summon thee, H*tb*t the Mighty,
I summon thee, *nf*s**k the *neffable,
I call upon you all, Oh Seven Wise Ones, Sacred Keepers of the Search Engines to grant me number one ranking. Now and forever more! ** *******"

(incantation copyright © 2003 SearchEngineVoodoo™)

Your SearchEngineVoodoo™ Instant Rankings Ritual Sacrifice Kit contains:

17 Original Incantations you can customize for your campaign!

27 different Rituals - one for every mood!

All Ceremonial details bound in sturdy ring-binder with handsome leather-look gold-embossed cover!

Striking one-size-fits-all Sacrificial Robe, inspired by ancient Aztec traditional feather capes and crafted in washable, hard-wearing acrylic fur.

Some F.A.Qs about SearchEngineVoodoo:

Does it matter what kind of chicken?
Preliminary research suggest that Rhode Island Reds score significantly higher in the ratings than Wyandottes.

Do I have to say the incantation?
Tests show that saying the incantation doubles the effectiveness of the sacrifice. If you really don't want to say it, try doubling up on the chickens. We recommend you do split-run tests to see what works best for you.

Can I write my own incantation?
Yes. The incantation above is designed to get you started. For maximum effectiveness write your own to add that personal touch. Remember, the SEO Gods love long copy.

Does it have to be a chicken?
Chickens scored highest in our tests. Turkeys are okay. In an emergency situation, budgerigars will do, but use more than one.

Would they like fries with that?
Fries are optional, although it's rumored that DM*Z likes gravy.

How often should I do it?
Repetition is good. Testing indicates that it may take up to seven incantations before you'll get a result.

Do I need to wear special clothing?
No, 21st century voodoo is easygoing and laid-back - regular sackcloth and a sprinkling of fresh ashes is fine.

Buy now and receive Fabulous Bonus #1!

Complement your rituals with this authentic replica Aztec priest's sacrificial dagger, lovingly crafted in durable fiberglass. With its sturdy Teflon blade this handsome relic doubles as a useful freezer scraper for defrosting your Sacrifices when preparing for a Ritual at very short notice.

But wait, there's more - with Bonus #2!

A handsome double CD set of stunning Sacrificial music including Aztec chants to give that authentic atmosphere, as well as stereo sound-effects of raging thunder storms that build to a mighty crescendo with Beethoven's 1812 Overture played by the Transylvanian State Orchestra.

And we over-deliver yet again - with Bonus #3!

For that authentic touch, a bottle of Faux Sang artificial blood (enough for 50 rituals). Made from organically-grown ingredients to a secret, lo-cal recipe, this faux blood is guaranteed non-staining and non-addictive.

So there you have it! Search engine ranking in one easy step. Get the Gods working for you with our fabulous product. No more "eye of newt and toe of frog" mumbo-jumbo! No more tweaking and tampering with META tags.

Be sure to bookmark this site for the latest news on metaphysical marketing - remember, it's out of this world!

May the Gods of SEO smile upon you!
Baron Samedi Samedi

PS: This Special Offer closes on the stroke of midnight. Don't be left for dead!

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Copyright © 2003 James Corless. All rights reserved.

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